The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord
(c)
избранное:
1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
2. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
3. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
4. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
5. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
6. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
7. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
8. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
9. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
10. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
11. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
12. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
13. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
14. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
15. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.